Wanting to be obvious...

(This was supposed to be posted last September 22, 2006)...

Is it really wrong if a person is able to love another one even if he or she is committed?

For me, I don't know the answer to this. I have trouble answering this because I AM experiencing it.
I don't want to confuse my feelings. I know I love this guy because he is plain wonderful. He'd be probably everything you'd be asking for. I dunno...

I'm really bothered. Really, really bothered. Actually the right term for me to use is disturbed. Very... very... very disturbed. We talked two nights ago while we were traveling, and didn't bring up anything. I just told him that I was happy that I saw him again and that I really missed him. I don't know if he feels the same way. I don't think I want to know...

If you were to choose a guy which one would you choose? The one who gives you everything or the one who gives you opportunities for yourself? In my opinion, both sounds good... And that's where my problem gets in.

It's really funny because during our ride, we probably sent hidden messages through our actions. And probably through some of what we were saying (I hope I didn't misinterpret much). Well, on my part I did... I really had to let him know that I missed him in such a way that I didn't want him to get me all wrong, and somehow I probably did manage to do it without being too obvious (I guess). It would really kill me all night if I wasn't able to express myself, and probably end up regretting it, and wouldn't be able to sleep thinking about it. Ugh, I'm such a retard.

I only had two hours of sleep yesterday, from 4:00AM - 6:00AM because I had to finish my term paper. But even though with that kind of status, I felt like I had all the energy in the world when I woke up. I was really getting it going 'til the afternoon, and I still feel like getting it going 'til tomorrow. There's this weird adrenalin rush taking over me. I can't even stop smiling, and I wasn't able to make a perfect grouch in the morning when I woke up. *Sigh*

I'm very lucky because I'm blessed with this kind of people around me. I hope God won't take them away from me. Letting go is the most hurtful thing for me to do.